Missing You

Well today marks the first year anniversary of my Nan's passing and also her 78th Birthday.
I was lucky enough to be with her when she passed last year (yes, I do consider that lucky) and have missed her more and more as the year has passed. I didn't have a licence when she was with us but got it shortly after she passed and so many times I have wanted to just pop in and say hi. It makes me sad everytime I think of it and remember it's too late for that.
I am lucky enough to be blessed with Lili who has many of Nan's facial expressions and features. There are many times where I look at her and think 'oh that face is Nan's' and smile. She was named after her and seems to take after her too. I often describe her as fiesty, and maybe that's where she gets it from!
So today I remember my Nan yet again, and think of her even more. At times I wish so badly that she could have met Lili. Then I am so glad that she was able to meet Noah. When I showed him a photo of her this morning, I could see the instant recognition in his face and he pointed and smiled and sai 'oh' like he knew. That made me so happy to think he remembers at such a young age and after a year. Maybe he doesn't, but I am happy thinking he does.

For Nan

A year has passed without you here
But not a day goes by
Where I don't think of you with love
Or ask myself why.

I know it was your time to go
Yet the sadness is still here
I find comfort in my memories
And in knowing you are near. ">

New additions and one on one time

My brain has been a-wanderin' lately. Thoughts of little teensy baby feet and that newborn smell have been creeping back into my mind. The possibility of having another suddenly became a reality and I was thinking just maybe I am ready. Plus the fact that I am scared in 2 years time when babies and constant feeding and nappy changing is a distant memory I won't want to start all over again.
I do want to add to my family. I want 4 children and don't believe I will feel complete until they are all here. When number 3 arrives is what I'm not sure about.

That brings us to one on one time. Yesterday for the first time in a long time I was able to spend quality one on one time with Noah. Ben was home from work so he had Lili while I took Noah to a free movie screening at our local leagues club. It was great, he had a ball, I was able to really talk with him and play while we waited for it to start then during the movie he sat next to me talking oh so seriously about the events unfolding (we watched Open Season 2). Then he sat up on my lap and reclined back with his feet up and we had a really nice relaxing time.
I realised just how much easier having one child to look after is. Being able to really focus on them and give them the attention they crave is food for the soul... for both of you. It also made me realise just how much I miss Noah. He was my whole world for 18 months and for the past 9 months he has been just part of my world.
We will be spending more one on one time together in the future, I am going to make sure of it. Lili and I have one on one time together at least once a fortnight when we go to a trvia night and I have always enjoyed being able to give her all of me for that time. I just didn't realise how much Noah and I needed it too.

Now I am left wondering how I could possibly balance three. I am sure I will manage, we always do but for now I am happy giving as much of me as possible to Noah and Lili and number three and four will come in time.
Besides, I will have my baby fix soon enough with my sister's third arriving hopefully by the end of the month! ">